Being a good "Sport Parent"

There is no point in continuing a parenting legacy that wasn’t helpful to you as a young athlete. Children don’t benefit in any way from having parents who are too hard on them. They don’t become tougher. They don’t become more successful. They just become more afraid.

Competitive sports can be a very psychologically demanding experience, and the last thing a kid needs is to have to worry about his parents becoming upset with him about his performance. Children quickly learn that there is no unconditional love in youth sports, and that playing time, rankings and awards all have to be earned; but it is a great disadvantage if they have this same feeling when they come home to their family.

Unconditional love doesn’t mean that you love everything that your child does; it rather means that you will keep loving your child in spite of what they do. In the context of sports parenting, it means that you will rise above your frustration and insecurity and show your love no matter what the outcome of the game, no matter how your child happens to perform. You will respect your child’s best efforts, and through your respect, they will learn to respect themselves, as well as their teammates, coaches, opponents and officials.

Forget about scholarships for a while. As a sports parent, you set yourself up for disappointment when you start expecting a return on your investment. From a financial standpoint, you are much better off taking the money you spend on your child’s sports activities and investing it directly in a fund for their college. A less risky investment approach is to think of enjoying time with your child. The good and bad news about youth travel sports is that a great deal more time is spent traveling and waiting than actually playing the sports. This means that you will be afforded the luxury of having huge chunks of time with your child.

Can you make some good memories of this time together? You will probably have an easier time doing so if you don’t view your child’s sports as a ticket to their (and your) greatness. If your child is meant to be a collegiate or professional athlete, it will happen – but not because you made it happen. It will happen because it is their athletic destiny. In the meantime, relax and enjoy the ride. There will come a time in the not-so-distant future when you won’t have as many opportunities to hang out with your child. As one mother once told me about parenthood, “The hours can sometimes go so slow, but the years go so fast.” – by Dan Saferstein